I am 37 weeks and i am scared. goodness... i only have 3 weeks left to go and i have never been a parent before. what did i get myself into?! i honestly feel lucky though. i don't have to compromise the parenting that i want for my child with someone else. there is no give or take here... just little ol me deciding. i hear alot from older women how i am going to miss being pregnant. so right now i am going to write the things i will miss and the thing i hope to forget!
1. the movement.. feeling your child who you're so longing to hold move inside of you is the most amazing feeling! especially that first kick. (my friend Jason felt my tummy this evening and was so weirded out when he felt laken move under his palm that he knocked on wood in hopes that he'd never know how it feels to have a baby inside of him. i just feel bad that a man will never experience this blessing.)
2. which brings me to number two.. the belly rubs. i love when people massage my belly. especially if they have the fake nails. feels goooood.
3. nesting. nesting is so much fun, you're preparing for a new life to come into this world. you're setting the environment for this little meatloaf to grow.
4. the blessings of gifts. it was an overwhelming feeling getting so many gifts throughout the passed couple of months. this baby, who means the world to me already, has people who already love him and just want him to flourish and have things that he needs. i have never in my life been more grateful for anything than now.
5. being overwhelming proud with myself. i have worked hard to have the things i have for laken and myself. i am proud that i haven't had one cent or any extended hand from the "father's" side of the family. i have kicked-ass and have been on a roll. i was no where near being this determined about anything until i have became a single parent. it is rewarding, and i know its about to get overwhelming. i may finally start cursing the fathers name in a month, but right now.. i'm good. i'm proud. its the best feeling. :)
things i will not miss:
1. Acid Reflux.... :'(
2. guys who say.. "man you're fat!" thinking that that is a funny way of telling me that i am getting big or about to pop... i just want to respond, Gosh you're ignorant.
3. the urge to throw up when i haven't eaten.
4. feeling so worn out by the time 9 o'clock rolls around.
5. the swelling i've been encountering this past week.
....now i'll share with you tonight.
kayla, a good friend, has finally come back to town and tonight we had a dinner to "welcome" her back. its so great to have her back, i have missed having a girl friend that will just come over and hang out. i'm also so proud of her! she has completed training as a customs and border protection agent!
here is a picture of my friends. they are all beautiful girls who have overcome so many obstacles in life and are just great! hard working moms, graduates and careers, newly weds, and go gettin'-it students! they're awesome! (sarah is missing from the picture)
bianca, kayla, valerie, myself, marla, and christina