Thursday, February 27, 2014

picture perfect

I love the blog world, don't get me wrong. Its great to escape and read other people's adventures and look at their beautiful pictures. It has driven me to try and take pretty pictures for my blog. It has also prevented me from posting all together.

As a designer... I am always trying to make things more appealing to the eye. In reality, life is messy. I look at all these mother blogs and they posts pictures where they are dressed to the nines and their kids are stain free. What a crock.

I'll admit... the first year of my son's life I did have a wipey in hand to clean his face if anything touched it. Well... things change. Yesterday, with his new hair cut and caked on dirt from the run of the day on his face I wasn't sure if he was even my kid. The fact that he was reaching for me to pick him up saying "mommy, mommy" and that he was the only other kid (yet alone person) in my house gave it away.

We are living in the day and age where pictures are only worth about 10 words. "I don't like the way that looks, take another one." Pinterst - so addicting - has destroyed us all. We feed on that eye candy! There is a photoshoot for everything, and everyone is a photographer these days. If you've got a blanket and a camera phone... photographer!

I see mothers-to-be pinning away looks they will try to achieve. They'll reach them, but once the little one is here it won't be so pinterest pretty!

I am not against professional photographs. I have freelanced photography and I appreciate the opportunities to capture beautiful moment's for others. I just want other people to feel ok with things not being so "picture perfect!"

Laken with baby powder all over him and the room.

I mean... this morning I had to do the nose sniff test around the kitchen and dinning room to see where the bad smell was coming from. (It turned out to be the table that was wiped down with a dirty rag). I had to spank laken from eating out of the trash can. I also had to explain to him that we don't eat the soap water off the floor of the shower. That was all today before lunch!

I'm not criticizing the mothers online that look like they've got it all together. If they do... good for those superwomen, but I am not gonna freak out that I don't.

We all will hope to capture that picture perfect moment that may land us on pintrest with a bunch of repins, but I think the best picture perfect moment is the messy ones worth a thousand words!

Now, I'm off to go scrap the dried up cookie mush from the backseat of the car that has been there for weeks.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

He says "I love you" to my son.

I don't know if you know this, but I am a hard women to love. Could you have guessed? I am horrible with relationships... they don't ever last. I don't know exactly what it is... I'm sure it differs within any/every relationship I have. However, I think I have become lucky enough to find someone who is just as difficult to love.

He can't dance or sing, but thinks he can do both, He likes to hold my hand when I think his is too hot, and He likes to cook venison - yuck. He truly is amazing!

I know we haven't been together long, but I haven't been this realistically happy in a very long time. I am 110% myself. Even when I wish I could sugar coat it. He is strong in the areas where I am weak, and he makes me want to be better.

He lets me take naps. That is every mother's dream! He cooks dinner for my son and I, when I consider cooking ordering out tacos. He never makes plans that don't include Laken. He cares about Laken's eyes when he stands too close to the TV. He cooks us delicious dinners almost every night, even though some things are too spicy for Laken and we end up warming something random up. He holds my hand and Laken's when we pray. He goes with me to church and holds me when I cry.

We both understand that we aren't perfect, but we are perfect for each other. We know that we can be better, and we are choosing to be better together. I am so happy, and everytime he leaves, I can't wait to see him again.

Please don't throw up in your mouths, just be happy for us.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Eulogy and Letter to My Daddy from his "Sweetness"

In honor of Father's Day, I would like to share the Eulogy/Letter that a dear friend of the family, Carla Jay - an "Honorary Rogers" as my dad named her, read at my Father's funeral June 4th.

May 31, 2013 – the day my whole world stopped. Four days have passed, but I still feel as numb as I felt when my mom told me the news. I listen to her trying to understand the tragedy that I, myself, am still trying to figure out.

They say everything happens for reason, and God has blessed me with spurts of reasoning through these passed couple days. Although this is hard, and I know it will get harder before It gets better. I’m at least born into a strong united family.

Last month I stood in front of a crowd of people like this speaking from a confused heart spitting out a mess of things I wanted to say about my Paw Paw. One of the things I wanted my Paw Paw to know was how proud he’d be of my dad.

After months and months of just being sick, my dad has really turned things around and stepped back into the role of a leader and has done great things for my Paw Paw’s shop. Up until his last breath he was a hardworking man. I don’t want that to go unnoticed.

These last couple years I have had the privilege to live in the rent house behind my parent’s. My dad cried when I moved away to Austin when I was 18, but I am sure he cried harder when I moved back to Kingsville.

My dad was 54 when the Lord called his son, but looking back I don’t quite believe he lived those years consecutively, because he sure didn’t act his age most of the time.

My relationship with my Dad sure wasn’t like any other Father Daughter relationship that I know. Not even the same as the one my sister and he had. Of course he would tickle us until we peed-a-little just the same, he’d probably pinch the part between our neck and shoulder a-little-too-hard just the same, or “cut” our noses with his rough fingers pretending they were scissors just the same, but our relationship was unique.

It started out great, I was my Dad’s little “sweetness” and he could never do any wrong. My dad always knew the right words to say. I remember when I was younger walking up and down the sidewalk on Stirmen street, I was wearing a denim dress and my mary janes reading a letter my dad wrote me, and how happy it made me feel. My dad was also so creative… he’d draw sacred hearts and flowers, anything to express his love and just to make us feel good. I like to think that I get my creative genes from my father, just like marty and matthew do, too.

I always wanted my dad to be the best man for our family, and I wasn’t afraid of giving him tough love. If I didn’t like what he was doing, I’d sure let him know . Right, Tiffany? However, my dad was just the same. We could be each other’s biggest pains in the butt. Just a couple weeks ago he called me at least 20 times and left me numerous text messages just to annoy me. It worked, but of course I acted like it didn’t, because then he’d win! No sir.

My dad loved to call my phone. Of course I can’t say that I cherish those calls because all he’d say when I answer was, “where’s mom?” Sometimes I wouldn’t even answer the phone… I’d just hand it to my mom and say “It’s Dad.”

My Dad adored my mom. That’s something we really had in common. After work we’d wait on my parent’s community bed and listen for the door. Of course, I’d always be concerned what was for dinner, but not my dad… he’d eat anything. Unless you took a bite of his food… he’d say… “take it! I don’t want it anymore.” OK dad… I just got one fish stick… I don’t want a whole tray full of 40!

My mom loved my dad, so much. We couldn’t do anything without my mom having to get home quicker to be with him. One time my dad was getting so mad at me for not kissing him, but he was all sweaty and gross and it kind of turned my stomach, but there goes my mom.. . taking a big ol wet one from my Dad. Sweaty or not, my dad’s kisses were always wet.

This past year, the time spent with my dad is something that I will always cherish. The day I found out I was pregnant, my dad hugged me and said he was going to be there for me in whatever decision I made. I cried in his arms and knew that I could be a single parent and that I’d have all the help in the world. My dad was a tremendous help with Laken. He started out with 2 dogs, but once he got my son was about to say puppy… My dad was in love.

Last year’s Father’s day card I told my dad he had to get better, because Laken needs him. However, now I think that my dad needed my son. Not that the other grandchildren aren’t as important, because they are, but my son brought joy to my dad’s life when my mom was busy with her family as her dad-my paw paw was sick. It crushes me that my dad will no longer be physically in my son’s life, but I look at my family and know that in spirit he will.

My brother Matthew has always been a reflection of my dad. Just listen to the way his daughters talk about him, I get confused and think they’re talking about my dad! The day my brother, Marty, got into town he slept in my mom’s bed and prayed with her and tried to find her comfort just like my dad would do. I look at these two amazing men and just know that my dad lingers within them. Laken will get to know his granddad through my brothers, and even stories my sister and I can share.

Dad, I am really bummed you’re not here… there is so much food you’re missing out on. Yesterday after dinner I didn’t see the point of bringing home leftovers because there is no one to give them to. Daddy, our lives are going to be turned upside down, and mom and I won’t know what to do. We will get there, but it’s going to be hard. I am going to miss everything about you. Your boxer shorts that are always too lose and have way too many holes, you talking over anything I am trying to listen to, you’re constant need to pull mom into everything…. “Carol, what’d she say?,” your farts that can clear a room, your jobs that linger, your love of music and things you’re passionate about, your ability to surprise me, and overall your company. I just want one more day of the four of us, you, mom, laken, and myself on that community bed… just one more day. I love you so much, and that will never change. I will continue to let Laken know who you are and how much you loved him. We will all try to comfort mom and each other. I love you so much, Power Ranger…. BOOM!

Friday, May 17, 2013

Jesse's Graduation Portraits

My cousin is Graduating, and I was honored to take pictures for him. just a peak.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Jessica's Bridal Shower

Did you know that I am capable of throwing a bridal shower in a span of 5 days! It was kind of difficult trying to cooridinate with the bride for games when she is busy with the actual wedding, but somehow we managed to pull off both!

here are some pictures from Jessica's Bridal Shower.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Laken's shark party!

Pinterest saved my life. Life has been nothing but fast lately. A year has gone by with my baby love, and it feels like it was only yesterday. My son and I have had a fabulous first year together, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. We got to celebrate his birthday this past weekend with ones we love and ones who love him.

These past couple months have been crazy. It feels like it has been non-stop! Going all the way back to Sid’s birthday, then shorty followed by Tiff & Ben’s Wedding, to my birthday, to Jessica’s bridal shower, losing our Paw Paw, Laken’s Birthday, Jessica’s wedding, Paw Paw’s funeral, then lastly Laken’s birthday party.

On the way to go set up for Laken’s party… I was in tears thinking about how much my family has gone through with the tough loss of our paw paw, but we still managed to pull off a beautiful wedding and everything else dealing with his time in the hospital. That man and our maw maw have raised a heck of a family!

Laken’s birthday party was shark themed. Months ago I had looked up a couple things online for ideas for Laken’s birthday, but that was about it. Once it came closer I had it in my head that I would do a shark party, but hadn’t made my moves on getting anything or even making the invitations.

So much was going on that the invitations didn’t get made until the day after laken turned 1, and I still have a stack of invites that didn’t go out. At that point I thought… whoever comes, comes. Whoever doesn’t, doesn’t.

I had 3 days to put it together, and once May 1st (payday) came around I hit the ground running. This is what I came up within 3 days. (Thank you Pinterest for the ideas).

these were put together at last minute. it never dawned on me that i didn't have a centerpiece for the tables. while at the dollar tree i found these buckets and just had to make something work. i think they turned out great. my cousin joslynn helped fill them with sand so they wouldn't fly away.
the shark hats were awesome. probably one of my favorite things made for the party. i saw all different kinds of variations of home made shark hats and this one suited us just fine. my aunt teresa assembled them, and they looked amazing! i copied a party hat i had laying around the house and teresa added the teeth and eyes. totally awesome! ARR!! inspiration
I would have liked the line the backs of the food table and the desert table with something grand, maybe some bunting or pendants, a chalk board, a big ol shark with his mouth open... but 3 days, remember?
there was nothing exciting about the food, except for it filled us up. yum!
of course when i saw this on pinterest, I had to do it. link
stay thirsty my friends.

I tried having baby friendly deserts, because there were alot of younger folks invited. I had yogurt dip frozen bananas (MESSY), vanilla pudding with little sharks in them, red velvet cupcakes with fins... i wanted them to "bleed" when you bit into them. and I had a chum-bucket snack bar. which was all kinds of goldfish. some were the sweet, others were the salty kind.
inspirations: 1-2-3
my aunt teresa made the cupcakes. when she mixed the food coloring with the icing it started to seperate and then the "water" started to look sort of sparkly. i loved they way it turned out. i printed her up some fins. so instead of using fondant, which is the legit thing to do, we used cardstock. lol.
pudding is very kid friends, and an easy snack. I wanted to use the gummy sharks my aunt bought for me to use for the party and this was a hit.

I didn't go out of town to buy anything for the party. I would of loved to have bought buckets to give to the kids to hold their goldfish, but this was something I just pulled out of the air. little black cups with handles, and why not throw a label on it... just so people would get the idea.
if you didn't know the water was shark infested, and i had to warn people. inspiration
the water slide was borrowed from laken's "aunt" sarah! one of my best friends. her family came and set it up and we really enjoyed it.

laken truely enjoyed himself. if you couldn't tell. this little water activity area my mom got him. it is perfect for little babies!
laken got a 2nd birthday song. we sang to him on his birthday and he ate a cupcake his cousin Tiffany and Sid got for him. This time the crowd was a little bit bigger. He's so awesome.

i don't think he is used to so much sugar.

i didn't get really any pictures of laken and his party guests.. i was very much involved in running him around or making sure things were going right. there are plenty of pictures floating around though on peoples cell phone. ha.
defintely a nana's boy. my mom started dancing with him after the party was being picked up. I had to snap a shot.
laken even got to spend some time with maw maw. he got her to crack up. he loves his maw maw. i love my maw maw. she's so strong. ♥

thanks all for coming.... here is your treat bag!

I tried customizing it as much as I could, and kept it all age appropriate. xoxo

Monday, December 17, 2012

thanksgiving in december.

blog, i do love you.. i promise. and i'm sure you're saying to me... if you love me then you wouldn't be apologizing to me all the time. well look here mister blog, being a single parent is alot of work, plus add on the holidays, job searching, and my measly excuse for a relationship... you've pretty much got no time to update.

because i don't want to mix up holidays i am going to dedicate this post to posting a few pictures from thanksgiving. thanksgiving... the holiday that gets shorter and shorter with the trump of black friday -- yuck. i wrote in my phone what i was thankful for, but i am going to write from the heart... on this day in december... what i'm thankful for.

I am thankful for God, who is always forgiving, graceful, loving, everlasting and never changes. he is strong when i am weak, and loves me and has his way to work in me when i turn against him and give into my own desires.

my parents... they're always helping me out with my little man. they help keep me sane, fed, and are always giving me words of encouragement when i need them the most (they just sense these sort of things).

adrian... we started out as bf/gf and now we are just trying to focus on ourselves while enjoying each others company. he is probably the most difficult, most strange guy that i have ever dated, but he is amazing. he and i are alot alike, and i LOVE IT. he is a huge helping, loving hand with laken (even though laken has a way of making you want to pull your hair out). he gives me a glimpse of what it would be like to have a family, and its beautiful. he makes me want to be a better me, and every girl/guy needs that in a partner or a friend. he's taught me how to accept and love things and people that cannot be changed.

my family... from sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins... i have a special relationship with each and every one of them and my life is more full and more unique with them in it. i was blessed to be born into a family who will never give up on one another, and always wants to see the best for each other.

my girlfriends... these girls are really invested in my life. they help out with laken or a listening ear when i need to vent. they've been around for many years and i am so grateful that i became a mother and went through all this "change" with them present. they're a big part of the reason that i know that i am where i need to be.

this blog... i am thankful that through this blog i am/was able to reach out to many single mothers going through similar situations. its a crazy world out there, and we all have to know that we are not alone. being a single parent isn't a pity card, its a selfless decision, and one that takes encouragement. i am happy to speak with anyone about struggles we face and i am glad that this blog has given me a chance to share my story and get a chance to hear others.

my creativity... i may not be better than this person or that person, but i do know that i have been blessed with a creative spirit. i am thankful that i am able to share my ability with others to help their event, organization, business... whatever it may be. we are all called to earth to fulfill a purpose and i believe this is mine.

the ability to forgive... i am thankful that i have a forgiving heart... there are many things that can hold you back and keep you trapped in your own misery, but i am always able to look past the wrong doing and keep moving forward. alot of people haven't been able to find this ability, but its there... and its wonderful.

last but not least, i am thankful for my little man... he brings joy to each day. he amazes me with all the new stuff he is able to do. he has taught me patience, a new kind of love for myself and others, he keeps me on my toes daily to be the person that i need/want to be. he is a handful and can straight up stress me out... but if that handsome little, blue eyed boy is going to be the reason my day is bad then life is great!

happy thanksgiving in december you guys... and don't forget to slow down this christmas and remember all the many blessings that we have.