a little boy bringing on a little bit of struggle

photo by unkle mar-mar

after these past two days i can't believe that my hair is on my head. i have had two days full of screaming and crying. i have had my patience tested, and i think i missed placed it. i prayed throughout my frustration, but for some reason it didn't work the whole time. i have been comforted all day today by friends and family saying supportive things... and one little line that stuck out the most was "everyone has stressful things in their lives at least ur stress comes from a beautiful baby boy that loves you." (things could be worse) and want to know the funny part... the stress didn't start until a little bit after i got off a phone call with my friend valerie yesterday. she told me "you're such a happy mom. when laken is fussy you're just so calm and cheerful." wellllll... that was because i had my mind set that he is only a 3 month old little guy and he needs help soothing himself and just needs to feel the love of his momma. the circumstances are that he just has me. i am the only one he is around 80% of his days, and he is used to me... if i don't do it, who will? i was looking all day for my sign, for my peace from God and I heard it on the radio. "God has a purpose for your pain, a reason for your struggles, a reward for your faithfulness. don't give up. trust him." I just need to just pray through it all. keep calm and just work it out.

just before writing this post laken reminded me of why i love being a mother and why he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. while reading "love you forever" he just smiled and laughed when i'd sing... "i love you forever, i like you for always, as long as i'm living... my baby you'll be."

little things just have to bring you back to your sanity. oh the joys of being a mother. :) ...i wouldn't change a thing. not even the last 2 days!

i promise

emily's story

this is a long overdue post. i wanted to post this a while back, but i still haven't gotten a chance to go take a picture for my blog... i decided to steal some pictures from her facebook instead.

this is emily's story. emily is a mother to a precious little boy named liam, i claim that he is the long lost strokes' member. he's extremely handsome. liam's daddy is the small town famous guitar strumming pro daniel aka d-nigs.
emily has been on an incredible journey through losing her baby weight and then some all the while taking care of her son and now she's started school to become a radiologist. she actually is part of my inspiration to wanting to change my body. about a month ago i asked her if she'd like to share her story through a couple questions i ask on my blog. she was delighted. here goes:

emily's story

the Pro's and Con's of Parenting
Pro’s of parenting:
-Having the pleasure of teaching your child… teaching them about the world around them, how to talk, walk, read, write and heavier things like morals/values & manners.
-Being an outsider, watching my son grow has been a wonderful experience; he is always surprising me with his common sense and all the new things that he has learned from someone somewhere. They really are sponges, he remembers everything. I’m proud to be his mom.
-Being able to know unconditional love.

Con’s of parenting:
-No matter what you instill in your children they will always find their own way. Parents will always feel responsible for both “failure” and “success”.
-The stress you get from people judging you, wanting you to do something differently or saying “I would do it this way”—All of us mothers are trying to do the BEST we can, with what we got..its called MOTHERLY INSTINCTS and THIS momma knows best for Liam.

how did you feel about your body after you had Liam?
Honestly, after giving birth I felt skinny again because I had just lost that huge hard belly I had been waddling around with for a few months. After spending the first days with Liam I actually felt that my body was not just MY body anymore, because I breastfed and all the changes that my body went through were all because of my little Liam. I felt amazing and humbled that my body could produce, deliver, and nourish an infant. It wasn’t until after I stopped breastfeeding that my mushy belly and stretch marks started to annoy me.



what was your turning point when you decided you wanted to make a change to your lifestyle?
Let me just say that I did not realize how big I was getting, I was an emotional eater. I started noticing that in pictures I was getting bigger from every which way AFTER I had already lost a big chunk of pregnancy weight. I tried to exercise here & there but was not giving it 100% because I still was eating horribly. In October 2011 Liam turned ONE and I thought…Wow it has been a whole year since I’ve given birth and have not even tried to get back into shape. I went through a lot of stuff during my WHOLE 41 week pregnancy and even the whole year after Liam was born, I was depressed, resentful, and angry most of the time. I had a lot of problems with different people because of what I had gone through. Instead of focusing on them any longer, I decided I needed to work on myself. I decided to TRY to diet & exercise regularly, despite the fact that I hated the thought of diets and restrictions I was desperate. After reaping the benefits of my plan, I tried to really stick to eating healthy and working out and I keep trying to reach my goals. Even if I have a bad week or month of completely falling off I always return to my original plan, with the same enthusiasm.

did you set a goal? or did you just try to see what happened?
In September 2011 I bought a measuring tape and wrote down all of my measurements in the places I wanted to shrink (..although I didn’t do anything about it until November). I always had a goal in mind, I needed to see the changes in more ways than one for me to even consider giving up some bread and sugar. Next to my measurements I wrote down what I’d like the numbers to be at some point in time. My weight goal was to weigh 115, I stagger between 118 & 120(imSOclose!). Another one of my goals was to be able to run a straight mile without stopping and without dying. I have accomplished that one goal and am proud. I never set a time limit because I did not want to be discouraged, I saw the results of my hard work. It’s a journey not a marathon.

what inspires you?
People inspire me. My mother is 42 years old, she can run circles around me. Real people inspire me I have found some awesome women on the internet who have helped me lose and stay motivated. People on my Facebook page who are young mothers, or just girls/women in general, my friends and acquaintances who are trying to get healthy and fit truly inspire me and I inspire them. I think everyone should put some effort into being HEALTHY especially if they are parents.

whats your favorite dish?
My favorite dish would be my tilapia. I sauté onions, tomatoes, and mushrooms in a skillet with olive oil & garlin and then add the tilapia, I scoop some of the vegetables off, pour it on top of the fish, cover the pan & let it steam for about 10 minutes. It is so delicious and I don’t even like to eat fish THAT much, but it has so many healthy benefits.



what's your favorite thing to do in the gym?
I go to Solid Fitness gym and it is more for classes than machines. So my favorite thing to do at the gym is my BOOT CAMP class, it’s never easy, always challenging, and it makes me feel awesome afterwards. I have come to know strength I never knew I had.



what's one memory as a mother you'll hold on to forever?
The one memory that I will hold on to forever as a mother is the moment a nurse handed me my baby boy and he & I locked eyes and just stared at each other, he was so alert. I could cry just thinking about it.

is there anything you'd do differently?
I was going to say that I wish I would have started changing my lifestyle earlier, but I don’t need to be hard on myself I’m finally comfortable in my own skin and that’s all that matters. I wouldn’t change one thing.

going on a vacation or to the store?

so it has been a couple weeks now that I have just been envious of a friends little diaper bag. for one it looked good (no Winnie the Poo, Cars, or something obnoxious like that-no offense) and it carried everything you ACTUALLY use while you're out. I have been lugging around the diaper bag my sister got for me (smart little cookie... she got my initials put on it so I can use it for whatever) and I have been carrying around this heavy expensive Coach purse. I tried putting bottles, burp clothes, and formula dispenser in my purse, but once things leaked a little I stopped. my purse is too nice to ruin. well then I started carrying around this green bottle bag and a diaper changing kit (the thing with the wipes, changing mat, and diaper) but I started to want to have a bag for those things. I finally got it together and bought a purse that I wouldn't mind getting wet or messy (by accident of course). It's been working out great! the fact that it's sling gives you easy access to a bottle while baby is in the other hand. and so now when I go places I hope it looks like I've kind of gotten it more together. of course you'll need your bigger bag for when you take little dude/dudette to nana's or on a little trip for his little medicines, ointments, grooming things, toys, bottle cleaners, pump or formula supplies.

what I keep in here is 1 burp cloth if its not out and being used already, 2-3 diapers, gas drops, 2 bottles in a zip lock bag, formula dispenser, extra nursery water also in a zip lock, and a couple of my things.

steps to change

i haven't spent some quality time with my blog lately. haven't written in it as much as i'd like. i have written blogs in my iphone messages, but i haven't put them on here. well... i finally am going to lay everything out here on the line.

there are some big changes going on in my life. i haven't mentioned this to anyone unless they ask, but i got laid off from my job while i was on maternity leave. i found out one month after i was gone. at first i was really upset, but then i got to thinking... i would never have left that negative place if it wasn't for being laid off. sometimes it would be a grueling 8 hours to work through because my boss was extremely rude or because the guy underneath him was plotting to get another person fired all the while this other guy is trying to get the whole job site closed down so that he can show his authority. oh to work in construction!
anyhow, i started collecting unemployment and have mildly been looking for a new job. i get extremely sad at the thought of leaving laken with a baby sitter while i go work, but my sister told me to look at it as making his life better by providing. (which i know will be rewarding once i do get a new job).

well for a while i had been living my life in the mentality that i will be leaving kingsville and going to austin... i don't want to date anyone here i don't want to connect to anyone here that isn't my core 5-6 friends. what kind of life is that? i have decided to live for the moment and enjoy what i have right now. i wouldn't say that i wasn't happy with myself, but i could be happier. the only person that is standing in the way of that happiness is me. so i have been making steps to change it all.


my first main focus is to work on my faith. i want to be stronger with my relationship with God and i wanna grow in my faith. plain and simple. I have been doing my own Bible studies and I have been reaching out to fellowship with other believers. I want to live a life that pleases him, for he has given me so much strength in my life.


second, i would like to be happy in my own skin. i have never been particularly skinny or plain out FAT for that matter. i have always been a bigger girl, chunky. i have my metabolism working against me, but who says i can't fight back? i had been wanting to post about this a while back when i first started to try to lose weight but... then it would make it real. real in the sense that i'd have to stick to it, or everyone would know i gave up. silly, i know, but you might feel the same way. i mean every attempt i'd try to eat better i'd start off as an angel in the morning and then i'd be stuffing spin dip and a strawberry margarita in my face at night. i've stumbled on some guidance to weight loss and i've been sticking it out strong. just ask any one of my friends (kayla, valerie, or bianca - they've all tried to tempt me out of it). i'll post more on this adventure in a later post... especially because august 8th is coming up and that day is very special to me.

this list continues with smaller things such as: blogging more, starting a freelance event planning, getting my finances in order, etc.


i am going to be starting a new blog feature as well... i am going to feature inspiring women mostly mothers or just inspiration that i can throw your way. everyone needs a little bit of encouragement now and then.


and news in laken land... he is 3 months old as of yesterday. i am going to make a post with his 3 month pictures soon!

hope you're gearing up for the weekend! :)

a little austin visit.

this past weekend my brother, laken, and i took a trip to austin to go stay with our cousin tiffany, her bf ben, and their little handsome baby boy sidney! they had a party on saturday and invited people from our family and just some local friends to a potluck dinner. it was a great little time.
the first night we just had a goof ball of a time. tiff, ben, marty, my other cousin austin, and i just played games, listened to music while marty free styled and had some adult beverages. i instagramed a ton of pictures that night, we were being too silly.


the next day during the day we were a little more chill. we just prepared for everyone's arrival. ben did a great job making the backyard look totally awesome. they already had it looking pretty spiffy but with a few more finishing touches they made it into a party! i wish i had gotten some pictures of it.
here are some pictures of us before the party started and then onces the festivities began.

this is laken's cousin sidney! when we first arrived on friday they were sort of amazed at each other. they thought it was pretty cool there was another little person in the house aside from their own reflection. i can't wait til they're older and can do boy things together.

and this is when the potluck began. i just got a few pictures of the night as it went on.

edgar, my brother marty's friend. i knew him before he was a bad seed. ;)

joslynn and baby taylor. joslynn is great with babies! she loves 'em. and laken loves cousin joslynn!!

cousin jesse and dallas... i think they stayed glued to these tvs. i don't think they'd of even went outside if it wasn't for the tv being moved outside.

this is my uncle toby. he's always been an awesome man. he's a great father, husband, and grandpa. :) (and uncle too!)

this is my friend carla's little girl Kylie Jo! she is so sweet, and funny!

baby love! from miss jay and gene is an innocent bystander.

this is my aunt teresa! she has always been such an awesome women in my life. she was great with me as i was growing up and she is always there to lend a sensitive ear and just always a joy to be around. i looooove my aunt teresa!!

this is baby mikey! isn't he adorable?! this is my cousin ashley's little baby!

this is eray! he is always super fun to hang with and be around. you can bounce jokes off him like he was a trampoline all day. he's a funny guy!

mommy and baby! soo sweet.


the next morning the family met up at tiffany's house and we got a momma and baby picture. the two momma's in the middle had their babies last year at this time. ashley and jessica are sisters. the little lady on the right and i both had our little boys this year. i must admit. they're all great looking babies!

edgar may be a quiet little guy, but when he was with laken he was pretty cute with him. this is him playing with his feet while we were loading up the car. uncle edgreen.

sunday we met up for a bite to eat with torie at Red's porch. the food wasn't that great, but the drinks and atmosphere was pretty good.

here is miss tori and lakester

and here is some momma and baby love.


there were a couple more outings after this, but it also included alot of rain and my camera was lacking on storage. however this post is picture heavy enough! i had a great time and can't wait to go back again. (but really of course i can wait.)
traveling with laken is good when i have someone else around, but i just don't like keeping him in a carseat all the time. as much as i have always been a get up a go girl, i have been hesitant more often now because of him. oh well. he's a trooper!

being back in austin this past weekend made me miss it. while there i noticed so many changes in my old neighborhood alone (78704), and i just know that when i do go back that my act needs to be 100% together. the city doesn't slow down for anyone, and i know its only austin, i just think that with laken and as a single mother... my ducks would definitely have to be in a row. probably after a couple months with laken here i will start the job search up there. if i get a good offer then i'll make the move. until then i will be chillin with my little dude watching his firsts and being the best parent that i can be.

forth of july pictures & alotta lovin!

what would you do if i told ya that i la-la-la-la-love you!
i had a great 4th of July. It was good just to unwind with family without a congestion of kids running around. there wasn't any fireworks or any firecracker.
we had a barbeque and played games outside on the back patio at my maw maw's house - which is my mother's mom. laken showed up for the festivities dressed to the nines.

today is my first 4th of july, and tomorrow is my first 5th of july.. what's the big deal?!



uncle mar-mar. my brother marty.


my maw maw. last night when i woke up for a feeding i stayed up just in love with laken and everything about him... i wrote this on an iphone note.

I can't describe how much I love my little guy. I love that I have the ability to hear the tiniest noises to wake up in the middle of the night to feed. I love that when I pick him up from his crib at 5 am that his hair is still combed and looks exceptionally handsome. I love when he is hanging out with someone else his eyes follow me when they find me. I love when he sits "still" and let's me read to him. I love when he wakes up and I unswaddle him he stretches these big "I'm growing" stretches. I love when he and I have conversations consisting of coo's and ahh's. I love that he let's me sit him up, dress him up, and stick a huge lens in front of his face. I love that my little 2 month old likes to sit on my hip and look out into the "world." I love that he makes spit up look like the latest fashion trend. And what I love the most of all is that when I look into his eyes.. I know and feel how much this little baby, who doesn't have the ability of speaking or any concrete thoughts, loves me back.

:)

growing belly

i had to do something with all the side view pictures in my cell phone. next time i want to document my pregnancy in a better way, but i didn't have a camera until the last couple weeks before i popped. sooo.... cell phone picture gif! i loved growing laken. he is the cutest!