not a parent, solo-rent.

doing things solo

most of you know that i started this parenting thing as a solo project. at first of course i didn't know what the outcome would be. i never knew if the dad would come around, and towards the end of the pregnancy i was afraid he would and relieved he hadn't. i can't really see myself sharing this precious little one with anyone. of course, if he did have a change of heart then i wouldn't be the one to stop him - (because his heart would be changed -- hopefully to a better place). i wouldn't do that to laken... be the one who got in the way of having a relationship with his biological father. anyhow... while writing this blog and going through the building a home and preparing for my little man process i have become so proud of myself. i wasn't ever the person who thought about what their kid would look like and what they would do. all i knew was i was going to have a boy who would have brown hair and brown eyes and his name would be julian (after the lead singer of the strokes, yes)... well God blessed with me a little boy would has blue eyes, redish tint brown hair and his name is Laken.

i'm not trying to air out my dirty laundry and talk about my past, but the fathers side insisted that i was having this baby to have people feel sorry for me. however, when i truly started to become aware (i finally got direct responses from the dad instead of hear-say from his "team") that this was a solo thing, that was when the mentality of "plenty of successful women raise children alone" just rang in my head all of the time. there wasn't room for anyone to feel sorry for me, and there wasn't a shred of myself feeling sorry for myself - i just felt blessed.

the number one question that is asked is if bubba has seen his son, they're always very shocked when i say no. they're never surprised that his family has come around and has seen him/ask about him. in reality they really aren't truly THERE for him, and that is ok.

as a mother to laken, i can only give him all that i can... and i have been blessed with a helpful, loving family that has enough love to act as if they were 5 different sets of families. (of course there is never enough love a person can have/recieve.)

after getting all the "heavy" outta the way i wanna take a little turn and talk about the things that have helped me these last 5 weeks that touch up on being a solo-rent.

-if someone has arms to hold the baby - go run and do something for yourself.

-single parent or not... you should have a baby monitor, i don't. its rough.

-don't be afraid to call up someone and ask them for help. i'm horrible at asking anyone to help. i am so independent i'll do it myself. however, i am not afraid to ask my mom to come over to help me clean up my apartment. :)

-i can use the restroom with my baby in my lap. i don't like to do it, but i will if i have to. i can even wash both hands while holding him. i pray i don't have to do that when he gets heavier.

-i don't ever complain about night time feedings. i am surprised how much people talk about the stress of having to get up and how their partner isn't helping. i just do it because if i don't who will. i couldn't imagine how aggravated i would be if i did have a partner who wouldn't take turns with me during the night to feed.

-make friends with friends that cook. or grandmothers or mothers. most of the time they'll wanna hold your baby so you can eat. its a definite win-win situation.

-understand that you can't just get up and go with a baby - no matter how much of a tumbleweed you once were. prepare the day before or hours before you leave somewhere. a little at a time. it took me 7 hours to leave to austin last friday. can you say nightmare!

-confide in a friend/relative that you admire to get parenting advice. parenting is a learning game, ask someone how they did things... ask a few people and get a variety and do what works best for you and your little one.

-the stress of doing things solo will get to you, so just vent it to someone that you look up to. (mothers, grandmothers, aunts... they know where your heart is and most of the time they've been through it before.)

-give it up to God. talk to him, ask him for strength each day. he blessed me with my miracle, he can bless me with the strength to survive it. :p

happy thursday everyone!! :)