37 weeks

I am 37 weeks and i am scared. goodness... i only have 3 weeks left to go and i have never been a parent before. what did i get myself into?! i honestly feel lucky though. i don't have to compromise the parenting that i want for my child with someone else. there is no give or take here... just little ol me deciding. i hear alot from older women how i am going to miss being pregnant. so right now i am going to write the things i will miss and the thing i hope to forget!

1. the movement.. feeling your child who you're so longing to hold move inside of you is the most amazing feeling! especially that first kick. (my friend Jason felt my tummy this evening and was so weirded out when he felt laken move under his palm that he knocked on wood in hopes that he'd never know how it feels to have a baby inside of him. i just feel bad that a man will never experience this blessing.)

2. which brings me to number two.. the belly rubs. i love when people massage my belly. especially if they have the fake nails. feels goooood.

3. nesting. nesting is so much fun, you're preparing for a new life to come into this world. you're setting the environment for this little meatloaf to grow.

4. the blessings of gifts. it was an overwhelming feeling getting so many gifts throughout the passed couple of months. this baby, who means the world to me already, has people who already love him and just want him to flourish and have things that he needs. i have never in my life been more grateful for anything than now.

5. being overwhelming proud with myself. i have worked hard to have the things i have for laken and myself. i am proud that i haven't had one cent or any extended hand from the "father's" side of the family. i have kicked-ass and have been on a roll. i was no where near being this determined about anything until i have became a single parent. it is rewarding, and i know its about to get overwhelming. i may finally start cursing the fathers name in a month, but right now.. i'm good. i'm proud. its the best feeling. :)


things i will not miss:

1. Acid Reflux.... :'(

2. guys who say.. "man you're fat!" thinking that that is a funny way of telling me that i am getting big or about to pop... i just want to respond, Gosh you're ignorant.

3. the urge to throw up when i haven't eaten.

4. feeling so worn out by the time 9 o'clock rolls around.

5. the swelling i've been encountering this past week.

....now i'll share with you tonight.

kayla, a good friend, has finally come back to town and tonight we had a dinner to "welcome" her back. its so great to have her back, i have missed having a girl friend that will just come over and hang out. i'm also so proud of her! she has completed training as a customs and border protection agent!
here is a picture of my friends. they are all beautiful girls who have overcome so many obstacles in life and are just great! hard working moms, graduates and careers, newly weds, and go gettin'-it students! they're awesome! (sarah is missing from the picture)



bianca, kayla, valerie, myself, marla, and christina


xo

t-shirt scarf

this was simple as pie. i really admire these scarves i've been seeing on pinterest and i decided they are probably not going to be hard to make.. and i wanted to see if i actually like the way they look on me. my mom gave me an old t-shirt and voila... scarf. :) i'm thinking about selling these on etsy. get creative and do different things to them. i DID say that i wanted to sell things on etsy (in my 25x25), so why not?!







I'm sure it would look a ton better on someone who didn't have a pregnant belly, but you get the idea.

24th birthday

my 24th birthday came and went. i had some wonderful women that kept me company that day. of course it would have been more awesome to have my sister laina or my cousin tiffany join along.

my birthday fell on me being one day shy of 9 months pregnant. don't expect much excitement to go on when you're 9 months pregnant. a masseuse will not touch you in fear of putting you into labor and a pedicurist will not touch the bottom of your feet in fear of putting you into labor. she will however, use a cheese grader to get all that stuff off your feet that you've accumulated due to wearing flip-flops because no other shoe will fit at the time.

i had a wonderful time eating on the island at a place called black sheep. very good. i had the crab nachos and a pear pie. delicious. had a pedicure sans the massaging of the feet. had dinner (cause apparently that is all that pregnant people are allowed to do. :p) then i ended the night watching 21 jump street. it was a pleasant day, and i really enjoyed everyone's company.

BIGGEST STRESS::

I have been putting this off and putting this off. I have no signs of labor - nothing! but it would be a smart thing at 36 weeks and 3 days to get things on the ball. I've always been a speedy packer, so I guess I assume that while I am going into labor I can pack a bag too! now THAT is some great ambition if you ask me. Today I told myself was going to be THE DAY. well... this is all that I have accomplished:

-stuffed about 7 outfits in my diaper bag... FAIL. (I should only probably take about 2 or 3)
-threw a swaddle me in there for good measures
-I have transfered all of the toiletries i have boughten from the sack i got from the store to a make-shift shower bag (which hopefully i find a real one before)... I could of done that 4 weeks ago when i bought the stuff.
-I put my boppy pillow on the car-seat. yep, I moved a pillow all of 5 feet! and NO, the car-seat isn't already buckled up in the car!

I also posted about how i haven't packed my bag in this pregnancy facebook group i'm in, and i made the type face for when i DO actually get the darn thing packed. (see above)

maybe i'm just thinking if i don't pack the bag then i won't have to go to the hospital any time soon. and i have my fingers crossed i make it passed the 13th.

xo

currently

Listening - Eric Church - Sprintsteen. That song is great! It is "country" but it reminds me of the music I am deeply in love with and it just makes you want to shuffle your feet on a wooden floor porch with a glass of sweet tea in a mason jar while the dark sky is light up by the green sparks of fireflies. I love it!


Reading - this new book "Bearded Lady." It was a cheap little book that was featured on my new kindle fire. (birthday gift! i love it!). The book is hilarious. I pretty much read it all in one sitting, its about a women who has done everything to get rid of "sightly" facial/body hair. The lengths she goes through and the humor she has about it throughout the whole book just keeps you turning pages (in this case, swiping the screen).


Loving - My church. I love going to church every Sunday. I love how it sets the mood for the week and helps you reflect on the week before. I love it.


Thinking - Alot lately, about being scared. I have been thinking about how scary it is to be a parent. I know it will come natural, and if I went around telling people I'd hear the same responses. But being a parent is a very scary thing, and I think I'm scared! No, I know I am!


Wanting - A camera. I have been researching cameras, I want something with great picture quality and something that’s great in a low-light setting. I don't want to spend more than $350.


Wishing - There was enough time in the day. Or more fun things to do during the work day!

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about my blog

I wanted to take this time to share with the readers what sets my blog apart from the others. I admire the blogs I find most frequently on the internet written by women who are newlyweds. They usually write about their pregnancy, children, fashion, DIY, and of course their husbands. As I am pregnant, and a former art student I can definitely cover two of those things. Fashion – not so much considering I have never had the perfect body to wear the things I think are amazing, and haven’t figured out how to make things look amazing on myself not a size 2. Although some ladies don’t mention their husbands too often, I always wonder to myself how they are able to provide for their families and have such pretty things. Simple there is always a tall-dark and handsome behind these women.

Since expecting I have joined “What to Expect” chat rooms, when I did, I was overwhelmed with the idea of being a single mother -- I was still arguing with the “father” -- I would read the topics that these single mothers would post. They were all so negative, they feared being alone, and they just wanted the person who tears them down to be with them. I will admit I face my feelings all of the time. I am constantly thinking about Laken’s “father,” its hard for me to admit that, but it is even harder to deny it.

However, I know that I am blessed! I have seen so much change in myself, change that I would have never made if I was still by Laken’s “father’s” side or if I wasn’t pregnant. It gets hard sometimes, there are days where I just sort of break down and think about being alone, but then I think of all the great things I do have, and all the people who haven’t left me and then I sky rocket back up! I want to show to all the single women out there that they can be just as fabulous as the “girl who has it all.” We aren’t from two different zip codes, we’re neighbors.

Please don’t take me as a hater of men, or the idea of marriage because I am not opposed to the idea. I have faith that the good Lord will bring a good man into mine and Laken’s life when the time is right. Until then…